December 14, 2010

Getting by with a Little Help from my Friends

Finals.  Finals finals finals finals paper finals finals beer finals.

I’m sorry, the brain which you are trying to reach has been reduced to a drooling, sniveling mass by the papers which she is desperately trying to crank out on a reasonable deadline.  Please try your call again later.

To satisfy the blog-o-sphere until she gets her head sewn put back on, please enjoy the following snippets of texts/e-mails/facebook status updates/actual people conversations that have occurred sometime in the last week and a half.

Quote from a student paper: “Pope, who clearly did not take rejection well, indirectly called Lady Mary a lesbian for not wanting to make romantic advantages with his hunchback tubercular self.”

B – “Three cheers for the use of the word ‘tubercular!’

D – “I love the use of ‘make romantic advantages’ … and Pope wasn’t tubercular.”

B – “Oh, right, he was a mutant, but was ‘tuberculosis’ an actual malady of the time?”

D – “The consumption.”

B – “That term always bothers me… makes me think of sin-eaters.”

Dr. J – “Dear Gradfolk,

“Some news on the MA Reading Exam.

“First: it's time to schedule the exam for this spring's graduating class.  The exam takes place over two days, and has traditionally been held on the week immediately following spring break.  Once upon a time it was common for there to be a day between the two halves -- say, Monday and Wednesday.  Recently students have opted for two consecutive days, typically Monday and Tuesday, on the assumption that the one-day break in between isn't long enough to relax or study, and just long enough to prolong the anxiety.

“I suggest, then, that we schedule it for the Monday and Tuesday immediately following the spring break, viz., 21-22 March.  The exam is usually scheduled for 4:00-7:30 both days. If anyone has strong opinions on any of this, let me know; I'll book the room immediately after the winter break.”

D – “I have a strong opinion.

“My strong opinion is as such:


“.....grading almost done, will be in your mailbox by Friday....”

D – “Alright, secular theorist, capital or lower-case ‘g’ when talking about a Judeo-Christian god in the context of a non-secular conversation?”

B – “Judeo-Christian + non-secular = God, no?”

D – “I dunno, I was hoping you would… how often do I, the early modernist Renaissance dramatist, talk about Jesus?”

A – “According to one review, [Pride and Prejudice and Zombies] answers ‘certain puzzling questions: Why were those troops stationed near Hertfordshire?’

D – “So, having finally read the paper, why were those troops stationed near Netherfield?”


D – “Would it be appropriate to entitle this paper ‘Fuck Me, [name of Professor] Bradbury?” 

B – “I think that’s the subtitle of everyone’s paper.”

L – “Procrastination has a different texture when one is supposed to be creating a final exam rather than studying for it”

D – “Okay, so my romantics paper may be 17 pages long, but I have a few huge block quotes in it thanks to needing to quote about 20 lines of ‘The Rime of the Ancient Mariner’ in one spot…”

B – “I love block quotes.”

D – “I think I’m beginning to fall for them… like I get that little butterfly swoopy feeling in my stomach when I think about them these days.”

No comments: